Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
