Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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