I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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