So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Threesome in a minivan. New low
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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