three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
