1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
