pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
