dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
