ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
