The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
