whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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