come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
