that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
