I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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