Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
