Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
