Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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