At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
