Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
