Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
