Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
