i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
only if we run a train.
done.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
