Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
