uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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