they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
