you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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