No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
