i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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