they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There r osticjed everywhere
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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