Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
