he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
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