If i come over, it means nothing
i just had sex bonerless
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
