Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
