Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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