I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
