Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I love you.
Bad choice
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