Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
