you guys were way drunker than both of me
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
