I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i wish my penis had a tongue
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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