it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
