im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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