Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
