Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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