I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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