so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
