I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
