I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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