I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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