Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
