After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
