RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
