i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
