she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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