i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
