ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
